Forever Love

via Forever Love

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Forever Love

I got divorced 3 years ago as of February 3rd. I love Owen, will always always  love Owen but I don’t regret my decision and I don’t regret the Life I live now. When I first found the single Life I went a little nuts and had a lot of fun. I started online dating. It was fun. I discovered a lot about Men that I had never noticed before. That men are just as insecure about who they are and how they present themselves as women are. That men want to be valued and puffed up by the opposite sex and made to feel wanted. It was fascinating. I met some of my closest friends through online sites and I was able to better define who I am and who I wanted to be as a Woman by testing the waters. It was fun while it lasted. Since then I have waded through those waters to find that I prefer having a man in my Life. Not a bunch of men and not dating but one man. I have a horrifying tendency to jump around in Life and change my mind like a spider monkey on crack. I am brutally honest which, even for men, can be overwhelming. I like to know Why? and so I will pick away at a situation trying to answer that. I am like water on a stone when it comes to getting answers to the questions that disturb my heart. Being my Man is not for the faint of heart…and so I find myself alone. It’s only temporary. Cuz I like having a man in my Life. Now I admit that I am unique in that I don’t NEED a man in my Life. After three years of trial and error and falling hard and flying high I know with absolute certainty that I can take care of myself. I am lucky to know that I don’t NEED a man but I do WANT a man. I am just happier that way. I love being in love ❤ but, I can afford to be very picky. It’s a good place to be. So now that I have tried it all and discovered what I really want I will wait. Wait for my Forever Love and keep an open mind so that when I find Him I will know. We will both know. Happy Valentine’s Day Friends…I hope you have a Forever Love

Happy Place

As a part of my own personal Happiness project I have started thinking seriously about what makes ME happy. It’s not something I’ve ever thought too much about which is kinda weird once you realize what an impact happiness has on your life, but we do take some of the most important things in our lives for granted…so there you go. Anyhow I pondered my own happiness and the things that genuinely make me feel good. When do I feel the most alive and excited? One of the things I love most about life it’s self is adventure! I love to go to new places and be stimulated by new sights and sounds and smells. Doesn’t have to be grand, just different. I started a resolution a few months back where, once a week, I find a new place to go and I go there. Doesn’t have to be huge, it can even just be a new street I’ve never been down, but I make a point of it. I chose travel nursing because of my passion for this type of life. A Life of adventure. What I found is that I love the way going to new places and having new experiences makes me feel but I need roots too. I didn’t like travel nursing since, for me, it was too much. I like my adventure in doses and I like having a home to come back to.

My home makes me happy but it is more subtle. I am an introvert and so having a place where I can drink a quiet cup of coffee and read makes me feel complete again. Being out and about in the World is wonderful and inspiring but it also drains me and being at home in my fuzzy jamies and my wool slippers fills me up again. It’s something I require.

Readings make me happy. I love reading for people. I suppose it’s because a whole new world opens up for me and I get such a lift when people get their A Ha moments from Spirit. My clients get what they need from those around them and I get fulfillment from helping. It is my passion. So of course I am also getting a level of satisfaction and happiness from promoting this new venture of mine. It is all new to me, the world of business but I am finding that I am enjoying stretching out of my comfort zone into something new. Especially since the end result is that I get to pursue my passion as a Medium. It’s like Happiness squared!

I have spent time pondering what makes me happy but I have also put time into considering what DOESN’T make me happy. Hobbies and past times that make other people happy but that I simply can’t get inspired about. This used to make me feel guilty. Shouldn’t I pay closer attention to politics and the news? Shouldn’t I read Camus or Jane Austen? (I have read them, it was a lot of work) Shouldn’t I love scrap booking? I don’t. I don’t really enjoy any of those things and quite honestly…I’m over it. I like to cook and ponder and watch action movies that have lots of blood and gore and ride my bike. I have my own Happy Places and they are mine and I am over trying to make myself happy with yours. It’s okay.

I love my Life. Love who I am. Part of the reason for this is because I know what makes me happy. I have claimed my Happy Place

 

Rebel

I had a conversation with my manager the other morning after my shift was done. Why do I do that? Attempt to have a conversation with someone important when I’m in that state. Sleep deprivation does that to you. She was gently reprimanding me for being a smart ass (I don’t think she knew it but she was) and not taking all of the guidelines management had set up too seriously. The woman doesn’t understand me at all. I fumed about it all the way home, not cuz I was mad at her but because I’m just so done with the system and the direction that healthcare is taking. When rules and guidelines become concrete and don’t allow for any interpretation on the part of the nurses. I’ve decided they want robots, not nurses. But this is the way businesses do business and like it or not, hospitals are big business. Things have changed a lot since I was new at it and it wears on me. I see nursing as an art and I get that there are guidelines, algorithms, policies, standards for a reason but I’ve always used them loosely because I actually prefer to think about my profession and how I do my job. I admit I’m getting tired though and my interaction with my manager made me think. Am I outdated? a dinosaur? I’m not used to having someone look over my shoulder and watch what I do when I’m working. I’m used to having free rein. I like to believe that is because my managers trust me. In all fairness my new manager doesn’t know me but her words brought out the Rebel in me. I love my job, love taking care of people but how can I take care of people with integrity when I’m constantly worried about making sure I do everything “by the book”. I’ve never really had a book before other than “treat people the way you would want to be treated”. I get pleasure from my job by making sure people are comfortable and safe, not whether or not they meet criteria. As nurses we have so many hoops we have to jump through anymore and a lot of them don’t make sense to me. They are driven by money and though money is important, especially in a business, it’s never been that important to Me. So, in my own way, I Rebel. I am a underground Rebel (one of the reasons I continue to work nights…don’t tell my boss). I need this job and so, in the end, I submit. I will not compromise my integrity but I will submit…and maybe that’s good for me. Maybe by being forced to color between the lines I will learn something, how being a Rebel isn’t always the best course of action in this World and being a team player can be gratifying too. I’m not sure yet but I’m gonna find out. There is a time and a place for everything and the Rebel may just have to find a new Cause.